I’m not really sure how to even start this post. This isn’t so much a post about a recipe as it is a horror story. The stuff of nightmares. Monsters-under-the-bed kind of scary.
This is the story of how a group of people, some might call them a family, happily enjoyed a meal that was followed up by the most horrific thing you could ever imagine.
Let me go back to the beginning. No. To before the beginning. To a little holiday we call National Cake Day, where I, a naively optimistic young lady, decided that I would choose my Thanksgiving dessert based around our food calendar. I ended up picking the easiest apple cake recipe I could find, which then turned out to be more of a cobbler than a cake.
Cut to: Passover. A few days before my family celebrated, I decided that I would, once again, complete a food holiday. Peach cobbler. Since we do not keep kosher for Passover (#keepingitkosh), that was not a concern of mine. Logically, since the apple not-cake cobbler came out so good, you would think I would have made the same recipe this time, but with peach. I did not do that.
Once again, I tried to find the easiest recipe I could. And I did. I found this. How could I go wrong? I followed the recipe exactly, except I left out the nutmeg.
Well, as soon as I put all the ingredients together, the first thing I said was “this looks like vomit!” Which I suppose is never a good sign for food.
My mom and I both wondered how this would turn into a cobbler, but I trusted my girl Betty Crocker. She’d never let me down before.
When it came out of the oven, I knew that what I had was the opposite of what happened with the apple cake. That time, my cake turned into a cobbler. This time, my cobbler turned into a cake.
However, this is not the scary part. So it didn’t turn into what I wanted it to. It couldn’t be bad, right? It was like a peachy, sugary biscuit. Sound delicious to me.
I have never been more wrong about anything in my life.
We all sat down for dessert, happily scooping our ice cream onto warm peach…stuff.
And then my brother-in-law said it smelled like cheese. What? How is that even possible? And then we all tasted it and…something weird happened. Something unexpected. Something utterly impossible to predict.
This peach should-be-cobbler cake tasted like MACARONI AND CHEESE. Like, straight-up blue box, neon orange Kraft mac and cheese.
I can’t even…what? How? Why?
The ingredients are Bisquick, peaches, milk, butter, and sugar. Someone with a chemistry degree, please tell me how those things mixed together taste like cheese. Unless the reason that boxed mac and cheese is that color is because it’s actually made of peaches.
We all know that I love macaroni and cheese. But I do not love biting into something that I think is dessert to find out that it is very much not.
I don’t even know what to do with myself. At least the ice cream tasted good.